Recently we were called to a scene in which an elderly woman was reported with Altered State of Consciousness. We are told to enter fully gowned. Well, it was hot that day and at the time our company wore jumpsuits, so I declined to put one on. We get to the home, the inside was dimly lit and filed with books stacked to the ceiling, empty cans of food, trash thrown everywhere the books and empty cans weren’t and Styrofoam cups with old coffee in them. You can imagine the stench! Oh…did I mention roaches, flies and other critters lurking about. The woman was in the back of the house. It was a narrow walkway to her. While attempting to get her on the gurney, I lost my footing and my knees hit her carpeted floor. “Splat”. I thought “awwww @#$!”. It wasn’t until we got her loaded into the ambulance that I realized it was urine and a few roach body parts on my knees. A leg, an antenna. (Bare with me…I’m blanking out and sweating telling this even though that was eight years ago!)I asked her the typical “how are you feeling today?” She insisted she felt a little tired after coming home from teaching the children that day, as a roach climbed from under her wig to the back of her neck. I wonder if she noticed during” recess” the petrified poo-log that was working its way up her back? Our unit was down long enough for me to take off my jumpsuit, throw it in the dumpster and go home, swatting imaginary roaches that ran through the flashes of my mind! Our ambulance was out for a week to make sure it didn’t become those critters new home!

As soon as I was once again mentally all together, I went online to get a quick payday loand. At www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-POMPANO-BEACH.INFO. It took about 2 minutes to fill out the online application, and within an hour I had my money, and was on my way to Vegas!

Friends since childhood Brad, Jack, and Steve were attending one of those boring work conventions together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 90 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings and bullshit they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 90 flights of stairs to get to their room.  Undeterred they set out on their journey to their suite where the wet bar was cold and large screen was waiting to show a playoff game.  Brad said to Jack and Steve, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant experience by concentrating on something fun and interesting.  I’ll tell jokes for 30 flights, and Jack can sing songs for 30 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.  At the 31st floor Brad stopped telling jokes and Jack began to sing.  At the 61st floor Jack stopped singing and Steve began to tell sad stories.  “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said.  “I left the room key in the car!”

Brother would have better to get a quick payday loan from www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-PLANTATION.INFO, and after a quick 2 minute online application, he could picked up the cash in 30 minutes to get himself a sledgehammer. Granted, he would eventually have bigger problems with the law, but I’m not here to help him with all his problems LOL.

This is such a litigious society that it makes me sick, people will sue for just about anything, especially when something is their fault. While in the Marines, a buddy of mine’s girlfriend from Sunrise filed a suit against a bar for medical bills and lost money when she was burned pretty bad from drinking a flaming shot. Isn’t alcohol enough these days? We need to perform circus stunts, David Blaine kind of stuff while throwing a few down? Apparently after she threw the shot down, she spat it back up and that caused her to get burned on her hands and arms. A rocket scientist she is not! The basis of her suit is that she shouldn’t have been allowed to drink at that bar, because she was just 19 at the time. She blamed the bar for letting her in. Needless to say, the bar was fined, she was given about 500 bucks, and was also fined for underage drinking.

Turns out my cousin owned the bar in question, and had his hands full as it was. He needed to get an ez payday loan, and went to www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-SUNRISE.INFO. The online application takes about two minutes to fill out, and because he had a source of income, he was pre approved. The set him up with the location closest to his house, and within about 30 minutes he had cash in hand.

The wife’s uncle, the family dumbass, was arrested over the weekend. Why you ask? Good question, and here’s the answer. He was accused of causing a three-vehicle collision that injured two men in a car and sent two paramedics riding in an ambulance to the hospital. Her uncle, I’ll just call him dumbass,  told the cops that he had been drinking and had decided to drive around until he sobered up: “He that he was afraid to go home and his mother finding alcohol on his breath.” A grown man, not only afraid of his mommy, but so stupid to think that driving around was the way to sober up. Never heard of that method, and somehow I don’t think it would work.

When uncle dumbass got out of jail, we pooled our money together to get him some professional treatment. My wife went to a payday loan place at www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-ST-CLOUD.INFO. The online application took just a few minutes, and not only was she pre approved, she received her money in as quick as 30 minutes. Not time to waste with her uncle out of the pokey. Now if we could only find a way to get him to live on his own, outside of mommy’s reach. But then again, maybe that’s not such a good thing.

I have plenty of time to sit around and come up with ideas to make my first billion. Unfortunately, I seldom if ever have any really good ideas, at least that’s what the bank says because they never loan me any money. So I’m sitting here reading a story about a guy who invented a rotating ice cream cone on which the scoop gently revolves counter-clockwise, so that lazy people merely stick their tongues out and need not actively lick the cone. Wow, why didn’t I think of that? People are getting lazier, and lazier, and that’s the way an inventor has to think. What can I create to make lazy slobs lives even easier?

I mean, I would have applied online for one of those payday loans. At www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-ROCKLEDGE.INFO, I would have been pre approved, because I have a steady source of income. It certainly would be better than spending all day in a bank, when you can go get on advance on your pay check and have the money right away. The money would have been available in as quick as 30 minutes, and there would have been no credit check or personal info needed. And it’s just like an installment loan, but a lot easier and faster.

I work at this grocery where last summer, a woman walking in a parking lot in Spring Hill with her two children was nearly struck by a car. She gently approached the driver to let her know the kids were unhurt. Inexplicably, the driver erupted, and when the woman tried to calm her by offering her a church brochure, the furious driver grabbed it, pulled her own pants down, and, according to what the cops told us, wiped her privates with it as the victim hurried tried to cover her kid’s eyes. You see all types working at this store. Most people assume that working at a grocery store would be boring, but everyone has to eat, so they’re all coming through here. I’m just trying to save up a few bucks to get this new Fender guitar and amp, because Julio and I are starting a rock band.

Julio keeps telling me that we can’t wait. When he bought his drum kit, he looked for a loan till payday, and found www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-SPRING-HILL.INFO. He said he was pre approved, and because he had a source of income, he was able to get his money in under an hour. He didn’t want to go to a bank, because there was no credit check with the payday loan, and he didn’t want to waste all day at the bank.

I was looking to get a toupee, because I was sick of my bald head blinding my dates. Granted, there’s a certain stigma of a bad toupee, and even good ones. Famous people are ridiculed, including Burt Reynolds, and William Shatner to name just two, but they don’t seem to care. I’ve tried plugs, waxes, shaving my head, dying my hair, what’s left of it, even that spray stuff in a can, nothing like spray paint on the old dome. I can get a bad toupee anywhere, but where am I going to get a toupee to fit my budget? I tried Hair Club, and  some of the other big names I’ve seen advertised on TV, but I can’t possible afford that type of look, and if anything they look too good, better than my old hair, when I had it. Then, while reading the paper I found an ad for this guy named Vic who made toupees in his basement, and for a price I was willing to afford.

Cash was king with Vic, and since plastic wasn’t an option, I looked for a payday loan place. I searched Google and found www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-TARPON-SPRINGS.INFO. The online application took just two minutes to complete, and they didn’t ask any personal information, which was great because I didn’t want to tell anyone the money was for a toupee.

My crazy cousin was arrested again. This time police must have been really bored because they brought half the force, I live in Tamiami, so its not a huge place. Anyways, the police were called to his apartment last week after neighbors reported a fight between a man and woman that included yelling and breaking things inside. When they arrived, they found my cousin, conducting the fight by himself, alternating a high-pitched voice with a low-pitched one. He was sent for a psychological exam, and some blood work to check to drugs.

After my cousin was all better, the hospitals have the best drugs, we bought him some new clothes, filled his prescriptions for him, and purchased a one way ticket back to California, to live with his mom and dad. I mean I love my cousin, but I’m not about to be his babysitter, and he’s not such much nuts, and he’s a burnt out drama queen.

As money was tight, I needed a loan till payday to cover my share of taking care of my cousin’s tickets and stuff. I went online to www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-TAMIAMI.INFO. The application took just two minutes to complete, and since I have a source of income, not only was I pre approved, but I had that money in as quickly as 30 minutes.

We are sitting around for Thanksgiving dinner with relatives in Tamarac. Drinks are flowing, jokes are flying around the room, and the food is great. All of a sudden my uncle says he’s got a story to beat all of ours. Now, my uncle had had about ten too many, and most of us were hesitant to believe him, as he’s a chronic exaggerator, but we gave him the floor. He tells us that last weekend he’s sitting around doing his own thing, when he saw the flash of police lights coming through his window. He panicked and threw his weed down the toilet and flushed. It turns out that they weren’t there for him, but for the downstairs neighbors. Apparently another tenant had called complaining about them screaming at the top of their lungs at each other. Turns out these women are also both deaf. He just assumed it was a couple of cats having a very loud fight.

Because my uncle lived above these women, he wanted to make sure that he never heard such racket ever again. While my uncle is not much for TV, he does like his music, but his stereo was busted. This was a good time to pick up a new one, and he went to get a loan till payday at www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-TAMARAC.INFO. He said it was great, because the online application took just two minutes to fill out, and he was pre approved because he had a source of income. Now, when the two women downstairs have a throw down, he just turns up his stereo, and the upstairs neighbors can call the cops because of him and his loud music.

My cousin Frank has lots of tattoos. All over his back, legs, arms, and face. He’s a smart guy, even has an MBA, but never gets the job. In fact, he doesn’t even get a chance to interview once they actually see him. While he’s book smart, he’s common sense stupid. I told him that until he gets those tats removed from his head, he’s not going to get the type of job he went to school to get. If he was in a rock band, or if he just wanted to be a bouncer the rest of his life, then he was cool. But if he ever wants to work in the bank industry and pay off those huge loans, he needed to make some changes to his appearance.
I told my cousin that unless he gets all those tattoos removed, he’s never going to be taken seriously when looking for an office job. He went to  www.PAYDAY-LOANS-IN-ORMOND-BEACH.INFO, and get a no credit check loan, without going to a bank, and without giving any person info, and he had the money is as little as 30 minutes. The money he received allowed him to get the larger tattoos removed, and just a week later he finally got a job that allowed him to do what he wanted to do.