Dude, did you hear about the human leg they found in Tibbetts Brook Park?  That is so freaky because my kids were just complaining about nothing exciting ever happening in Yonkers.  Kids — like a dead leg is what they find exciting?  I think it’s the video games, all that violence and stuff.  Just so long as they don’t get into all that sex you see on the Internet.  I’m pretty sure I’ve blocked them on that.  I had my brother-in-law (ok, EX-bro) Mr. Computer Whiz come over and do that.  Angie his wife told Cissy (my ex) that the kids paid him to not do it, but I don’t think so.  I accidently signed into some transvestite site and it was asking me to say I was older than 18, so I think that is the blocker at work.  So I got to thinking I needed to get the kids away from the city for a while, take them down to Atlantic City for a weekend in August.  That would be perfect — I could play some poker, maybe they could play the slots or go to the beach or something.  It’s really got something for everyone.  But the weekend I had free they only had a room at the Trump and it was friggin $300 a NIGHT, so I got a cash advance at www.YONKERS-PAYDAY-LOANS.INFO, which made it easy and I was able to pay it back in just one month.  The kids really loved, said we should do it like once a month.  Jeeze, these kids think I’m made of moolah.  Anyway, I’m glad we blocked that porno stuff, they’re just too young for it. 

Anyone who says you can’t party in Rochester doesn’t know Ra-cha-cha.  It’s just a matter of knowing the right places to meet the hot people.  I’m a pretty good looking guy (don’t hate me - LOL), and I’ll admit I use it when it comes in handy.  The thing is most guys think you can pick up chicks in bars.  Wrong.  Not in this town.  You drive to Buffalo or Syracuse for that.  No no no.  Think outdoors, summer especially but even in winter.  The women love it.  You walk a dog (literally, not the OTHER walk the dog, perv) or just go for a run at Paetek or Edgerton Park or anywhere along the Genesee River and of course you gotta have a body, but just wear some hot shades and smile a lot and come off all innocent and nice and stuff.  Find a reason to stop (tie your shoes, pet the dog - HA!), and get the conversation going.  I’m telling you, it’s friggin easy and you know any single woman out for a walk is THERE TO MEET A GUY.  That’s just the way it is.  Like that scene in “Burn After Reading.”  Hottest pick up places going, parks.  So anyway, the one problem I ran into was my car got towed one time along East River Road and I had to pay $500 to the prick towing company because of some sign posted somewhere.  I didn’t have the cash, so I went online to www.ROCHESTER-PAYDAY-LOANS.INFO, where I got an advance on my next paycheck to cover the cost.  Took about ten minutes.  So later that day, I borrowed a friend’s bike and went over to Edgerton and BINGO, met this crazy girl from Pittsford.  The rest is, as they say, history.

I lost my job at Lehman Brothers even before Fuld drove the place into the ground, but we all saw the end coming.  Trouble was, my boyfriend was running up the credit card on Internet porn, which I checked out one day when he was at work (heck, I didn’t have much to do during the day anyway so why not?).  Now, I grew up in the Poconos, a little naive and not exposed to a lot of things but going to Columbia and Barnard taught me a lot, or so I thought.  So I was checking out these sites Andy had been visiting and, there’s no other way of putting this, it got me kinda hot.  I mean, I was watching chicks doing it with chicks, then chicks with dicks, two guys on one girl, then just the guys.  I thought just watching it – like, at $6.95 a minute, and it takes me about an hour to cum – would be the end of it.  But then I started meeting escorts, and they’re pretty much $500 plus (a little less for the guys, which is still my preference).  So when the card completely maxed out, and me with my measly unemployment, Andy and I had a sit down discussion about all this.  I thought he’d go through the roof (things aren’t so great in the advertising business either these days), but I knew I had his own porn habits as leverage.  Turns out he got totally turned on about it, we did a crazy backend/frontend nasty, then decided to start meeting up with other people into the same stuff.  I think it’s actually helping me lose a few LBS and giving me a nice glow.  To cover the credit card balances, Andy one month got a payday advance at http://www.ezloanlookup.com/paydayloanlookup/uncategorized/payday-loans-in-new-york/, which really helped.  I’m doing a little bit of consulting at Goldman Sachs, for as long as THAT lasts, and we’re getting it under control and even thinking about moving to San Francisco for a job at BofA.  Friday nights, it’s another story ;).

I brought my wife and her kids up to New Rochelle from Arkansas about six months ago.  We’re not liberals like all these people here, we try to keep our nose out of other people’s business if you know what I mean.  But man oh man, the girls here are sweet like no body’s business.  So me and my wife and the kids are living in an apartment that’s really only one bedroom and it’s not too far from my work so I tell my wife I’m working late a lot and I figure one less person in that place is a good thing.  But the truth is I’m hanging out with this girl I met in the front office, perky little Italian girl who says she likes the way I talk.  So I just lay it on her if you know what I mean.  So she wants to keep her apartment but her roommate moved out and she needed some cash for the rent last month.  Well, I’m not going to let a good thing get away from me because she’d have to move back home with her parents if she lost her apt. and that would have kept the bear out of the honey pot if you know what I mean.  So when she needed help with the rent that month I went to www.NEW-ROCHELLE-PAYDAY-LOANS.INFO in New Rochelle.  That was just for one month and my wife and kids don’t need to know about it, because that sweet girl Gina (the Italian) is getting a new roommate and she said she’ll pay me back (but not in money - ha!).

My dad always gave me a lot of dough through college and even the last couple of years, but it’s been tough since he cut me off over a problem with what I did to one of his cars.  I had to go live with this lady, kinda hot, but I guess you’d call her a “cougar,” she’s like in her early forties but has a great car and a place in Stony Brook plus the house in Commack where her kids live when they’re home from college.  I mean, like she’s really into hot sex and I’m talking some crazy sh** and stuff – don’t ask about her whole leather thing, but with me wearing this silk underwear that I swear is for a big chick or something – but then when she found out I was boning this girl in the city she got all freaky on me and made me move out.  So it was a good thing I kept my job at my uncle’s company, because to get a new apartment I needed an advance on my paycheck from www.LONG-ISLAND-PAYDAY-LOANS.INFO on Long Island, which was the perfect solution to my dilemma.  And so in a few weeks I’m going to call her (Andrea) and see if she misses some of those nights we had in Stony Brook, and since my new place is in Huntington Station it’s not too far if those kids of hers get on her nerves.

I love my dog and my dog loves me.  And lemme tell ya, there is nothing like a dog when you want to meet another chick (I’m lesbian).  We have a little apartment in Park Slope, and when we go for a walk, like to Bush Terminal (ha — we don’t, my friend Terry is always saying that tho), when we go to 9th or  4th or Union Street we always, always see some hot girls with or without dogs.  So one time I met this one girl, this investment bank something wo!-man with hot clothes and the big jewelry, and she says “let’s have dinner” at this cafe where my little bitch (Miranda, like on Sex and the City) can sit with us outside.  And so she orders this champagne that I never heard of, the appetizers, the soup, the filet (whatever happened to vegetarian lesbians??) and of course the dessert.  The bill comes to three hundred friggin-something dinero, and then she looks at me like “well, where’s your half?”  So I put it on my ATM card since I didn’t have that kind of cash on me.  Now, it wasn’t wasted money because she ended up over at my place for the next two days.  But come rent time a week later, I’m still quivering thinking about that girl (Miranda liked her too, if you get my drift) but I’m short of cash.  The solution was a payday loan, every girl’s friend, just an advance on my next paycheck.  It’s not the kind of thing you want to do every month, but lemme tell ya, some opportunities only come around once in a while and this one was worth every penny.  

OK, so I was chillin with this girl I met in the city back in July, and she was so hot (and she knew it).  I bought her a drink and had a few myself and I really thought it was going somewhere.  We were hitting it off great and she did this thing where she said she bet I took a good picture even at the DMV.  Well, I don’t usually, but my pic was a few years old and I had more hair then so I got out my wallet and let her take a look.  Even while she had her hands on me, touching me everywhere and stuff, she started laughing and then calls her friend over and she was laughing and all touching me and stuff.  So I thought, holy shit, she and her maybe lesbo friend are going to want to go back with me to the Bronx and we’re going to do the menage thing. But that didn’t happen in the end, even after I bought them both some drinks.  So I went home with blueballs and nothing to show for it.  So like two days later later I can’t find my ATM card and my account is $300 short and it turns out they were able to use it (I think we talked about PIN numbers, I dunno, hard to remember everything).  So to pay my rent that month I had no choice, and went to this site  and got the cash fast as an advance on my paycheck.  My credit is crap (ok, so maybe that comes from talking to too many women in clubs?), but there was no credit check.  Just show them you are employed and what you’ll get paid the next time.  Instant money.  Can’t beat it.

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