My wife was going to kill me!  Our pure-breed dog ran away because I forgot to close the gate!

Last week, I came home really drunk one night and forgot to close the gate behind me.  Our dog, Tacky, sleeps outside in his dog house and I guess he took that as an opportunity to escape.  I don’t blame him – if you knew what my wife did to him, you would probably cry for the poor guy.

Well, I woke up the next morning to feed Tacky and realized he had escaped!  My wife was going to kill me.  Tacky had tried to escape every night since we got him, and my wife made sure he wasn’t able to by putting barb wire on the gate.  The only way he had to escape was if somebody accidentally left it open and I guess he was just waiting for that opportunity.

So, I needed money to get a new one that looked just like him.  I found a dog that looked just like him online, but being that he was a pure-bred, it was really expensive.  I didn’t have $7,000 to spend on a dumb dog!

I called up the people who sold the dog and asked them if they would take deferred payments and all I could make out in between their laughter was: www.car-title-loan-in-flower-mound.info I went on the title loan website, applied for my title loan on the online application, and got my $9,000 in just 30 minutes!  I went out and bought that dog that very day and my wife never found out!  Thanks, car title loans in Flower Mound!

I spent $5,000 on a weight-loss program.  By the end of it, I gained 50 pounds and almost died of stress!

Yes, the whole process was very stressful for me because as part of this weight-loss program, you had to take 3 pills on Monday, 4 on Tuesday, Wednesday you had off, but 5 on Thursday and 2 on Friday.

Well, on top of the high prices of these pills, I had to pay all the fees associated with the meals, nutritionist, work-out equipment they made me buy, clothes they thought I should have, not to mention the price of attending each weight-loss counseling class.

Well, by the end of the first month, I was so stressed out and buzzing on all these pills that I had a heart attack!  My sister took me to the emergency room and a few days later I was fine.  What wasn’t fine was all the medical bills from the hospital and all the bills from the weight-loss program.

I didn’t know how I was going to pay all this money back - I had spent all my money on the weight-loss program in just one month!  My sister told me about www.car-title-loans-in-farmers-branch.info and I applied for my title loan right on the online application.  Within minutes, I got a call from an auto title loan lender that was just a few blocks from my house!  I picked up my $8,000 in loan cash that very day and drove straight to the hospital, to pay all my bills off.

With the extra cash I had left over, I enrolled myself in another weight-loss program and even had enough money for the 20 pills I have to take every day!  Yay!

I spent $4,000 on a self-help program and don’t have any money left!

My ex-boyfriend, then boyfriend, started a self-help program that actually gained a lot of clout around here.  People were talking about it left and right and within a month of starting it, he had 800 participants signed up.  It seemed like a great program and he gave me a 3% discount because I was his girlfriend.

Well, I started this program and started looking at life differently at first.  I wasn’t attached to my money so much, didn’t care how much I spent anymore, and didn’t get stressed out when I didn’t have any.  The whole premise of this self-help program was detaching yourself from your money, because he said so many of our life decisions are based around it.

So while I was learning how to let go of my money, my boyfriend was taking all of it through his self-help program.  That didn’t last long.  I caught on a little late and had spent all the money on this dumb program.

Well, my mother told me about www.car-title-loans-in-euless.info and I applied for my title loan that very day.  I filled out the title loan application right online and picked up my $8,000 title loan in just 30 minutes!  My car had made me $8,000 in just one day!  Now that’s what I call real self-help.

I’m Joe the Plumber.  Yeap, that Joe the Plumber.

The Democrats want to regulate my business, the Republicans want to pull out.  Either way I’m screwed and needed to scrap together some cash to expand my plumbing business.

Now all this talk about me on the news has really made me kind of a celebrity around town.  It’s been great for my business, but not so great on my pocket, because I didn’t have any money to buy the new equipment I needed to work on all these new projects that came my way.  I also needed to buy a new van and hire more people to work with me, because I was in high demand around town.

Well, let me just set the record straight and say that it wasn’t any “plans” of the Democrats or the GOP that saved my business.  It was www.car-title-loans-in-edinburg.info that really helped me.  I applied for my title loan right online, spoke to a local title loan lender, and got my $20,000 in loan cash that very day.

That’s what I call real-life results – you got a problem, here’s the solution right away, at your convenience.  The Democrats and GOP can learn a thing or two from these title loan guys.

My brother got his leg broken by a gang of drunken priests.  I’m not sure they knew what they were doing, because when we tried to stop them, they invoked the power of Jesus and said that Mary Magdalene wasn’t going to corrupt their sons of the world anymore. Sounded like a bunch of pent-up sexual energy to me.

I’m not going to talk about the experience because it’s really kind of traumatic for my family, not to mention the fact that my brother is just a mess.  Every time we pass a church he cries and screams while punching his leg.  Scary.

But I am going to tell you that we would not have been able to pay the hospital and all the medical bills, were it not for www.car-title-loans-in-eagle-pass.info .  One of the nurses told us about it at the hospital and the whole process just took a matter of an hour – my dad filled out the title loan application right online, he got a call from a local title loan lender a few minutes later, and within the hour, we picked up the $7,000 title loan cash, and paid off the hospital that very day.

We even had enough money left over to send some strippers over to those priests!

I’ve got to give myself some credit.  I learned how to ski this past weekend.  I went to a resort in Colorado with a friend and he taught me how to ski.

I tried to learn before but I couldn’t ever bring myself to get on that lift, go to the top of the mountain and come down.  It’s hard when you have snow phobia.  All that white snow, whether it’s made out of real or fake snow, just scares the living hell out of me.

All in all, we had a good weekend.  I went down the mountain unassisted 28 times!  Once I had my fear under control, I was fine.

I did, however, ruin the weekend by not tying down all of our equipment before we drove off and on one of those mountain turns, our stuff flew into the abyss.  Needless to say, my friend was furious as it was most of his stuff that had flown off the car.  I needed to pay him back when we got back home, but I really didn’t have the money.  As you probably know, ski equipment is mighty expensive.

Well, my friend told me about www.car-title-loans-in-desoto.info and I applied for my title loan right away and spoke to a title loan lender in just minutes.  I got my $9,800 title loan in just 30 minutes that same day!

Last year, My Little Pony was hit by a freight train.  Not the doll that girls and some boys play with, but a real pony.  I really had one and it was rather little for a pony, so I named it My Little Pony.

I was really upset just after it happened and cried and cried my eyes out, but that didn’t bring my little pony back to life.  She was gone.  Prancing around with other little ponies in pony heaven, I hope.

I wanted to erect a memorial for her.  I wasn’t going to settle for some cheap, plastic thing either.  It had to be nice – you know, the real deal – so I gathered my savings and I counted them, but they weren’t even half of what I was going to need to build the 20 ft high solid marble pony in my front yard.  So I started looking at some loans.

I don’t have the greatest credit, so everything I found online was way out of my league – I wasn’t qualified for them and if I was, I had to go through a lengthy process with way too much paperwork.  Then I found www.car-title-loans-in-del-rio.info and after I filled out the title loan application online, I was qualified to receive $9,900 in loan cash!  Well, I picked up my loan cash that day and am well on my way to erecting a memorial for My Little Pony.

I’m suing Mike Jackson for trying to molest my chimpanzee!

Last month my chimp, Chimp, got an invitation to a soiree by the King of Pop, Mike Jackson himself.  The invitation indicated that this soiree would consist of high-profile guests, private time spent with Mr. Jackson and free goodies!  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until later that we found out what the “free goodies” really were.

In any case, I took Chimp to the party and was going to wait in the car for three hours until the party was over to bring Chimp back home.  Chimp came running out just 10 minutes later, hollering like a mad man!  The entire place was empty and Mr. Jackson was completely naked when he came out to meet Chimp!

My lawyer says I can’t reveal any more details of the incident, but I am going to say that if it wasn’t for www.car-title-loans-in-deer-park.info I wouldn’t even have a lawyer right now.

I had no money to sue the bastard, so I logged onto www.car-title-loans-in-deer-park.info and applied for a car title loan.  The whole process just took 30 minutes!  I filled out my title loan application online, spoke to a local title loan lender and picked up my $8,900 right away.  Mike Jackson, here I come!

My dad just got married to his seventh wife and he blew all our savings on his wedding.

When my dad initially told us he was getting married, we were thrilled.  When he told us he was broke, not so much.  He begged and pleaded us to let him use the money in the savings account he had set up for us and after we refused, he went ahead and did it anyway.

We were all furious.  That money was in that account for our own financial needs, like going to college for my younger siblings, down payment assistance for my older siblings, and any other big financial thing for which we needed money.

Well, we all got together and ganged up on him.  Being cornered by all 22 of your children is pretty intimidating I’m sure, so he did exactly as we said.

We made him log onto www.car-title-loans-in-corsicana.info and apply for a car title loan.  He filled out the title loan application in just minutes and was qualified to receive $20,000.  We all went and picked up the title loan cash from a local title loan lender and he paid us back right there on the spot.  All this took place in a matter of hours.  Talk about fast cash!

Yesterday was an extraordinary day.

I went to work.  I spent all morning in meetings, my lunch break undressing my secretary and the rest of the afternoon on the phone with my wife convincing her that I wasn’t.

Everything seemed normal as usual and it was turning out to be a great day.  On my way home, though, I got a funny feeling.  Maybe it was the slight smell of burnt wood that I smelled from miles away – who knows.  Well, I got to my house and it was burnt to a crisp.  Everything I owned was toast and charred remains were all that was left of my life.

I didn’t know what I was going to do.  To make matters worse, my wife moved back in with her ex-husband and wouldn’t move back until I got a new place.  I needed some cash fast.

I called my wife and her ex-husband picked up.  All he said was www.car-title-loans-in-copperas-cove.info then hung up the phone.  He had thrown me a life saver – I thought it was a great idea and filled out my title loan application online that very day.  I got a call from a local lender within minutes and picked up my $10,990 in loan cash 30 minutes later!