My wife was going to kill me!  Our pure-breed dog ran away because I forgot to close the gate!

Last week, I came home really drunk one night and forgot to close the gate behind me.  Our dog, Tacky, sleeps outside in his dog house and I guess he took that as an opportunity to escape.  I don’t blame him – if you knew what my wife did to him, you would probably cry for the poor guy.

Well, I woke up the next morning to feed Tacky and realized he had escaped!  My wife was going to kill me.  Tacky had tried to escape every night since we got him, and my wife made sure he wasn’t able to by putting barb wire on the gate.  The only way he had to escape was if somebody accidentally left it open and I guess he was just waiting for that opportunity.

So, I needed money to get a new one that looked just like him.  I found a dog that looked just like him online, but being that he was a pure-bred, it was really expensive.  I didn’t have $7,000 to spend on a dumb dog!

I called up the people who sold the dog and asked them if they would take deferred payments and all I could make out in between their laughter was: www.car-title-loan-in-flower-mound.info I went on the title loan website, applied for my title loan on the online application, and got my $9,000 in just 30 minutes!  I went out and bought that dog that very day and my wife never found out!  Thanks, car title loans in Flower Mound!

Segnala presso:

I spent $4,000 on a self-help program and don’t have any money left! 

My ex-boyfriend, then boyfriend, started a self-help program that actually gained a lot of clout around here.  People were talking about it left and right and within a month of starting it, he had 800 participants signed up.  It seemed like a great program and he gave me a 3% discount because I was his girlfriend.

Well, I started this program and started looking at life differently at first.  I wasn’t attached to my money so much, didn’t care how much I spent anymore, and didn’t get stressed out when I didn’t have any.  The whole premise of this self-help program was detaching yourself from your money, because he said so many of our life decisions are based around it.

So while I was learning how to let go of my money, my boyfriend was taking all of it through his self-help program.  That didn’t last long.  I caught on a little late and had spent all the money on this dumb program.

Well, my mother told me about www.car-title-loans-in-euless.info and I applied for my title loan that very day.  I filled out the title loan application right online and picked up my $8,000 title loan in just 30 minutes!  My car had made me $8,000 in just one day!  Now that’s what I call real self-help.

Segnala presso:

I’m Joe the Plumber.  Yeap, that Joe the Plumber.

The Democrats want to regulate my business, the Republicans want to pull out.  Either way I’m screwed and needed to scrap together some cash to expand my plumbing business.

Now all this talk about me on the news has really made me kind of a celebrity around town.  It’s been great for my business, but not so great on my pocket, because I didn’t have any money to buy the new equipment I needed to work on all these new projects that came my way.  I also needed to buy a new van and hire more people to work with me, because I was in high demand around town.

Well, let me just set the record straight and say that it wasn’t any “plans” of the Democrats or the GOP that saved my business.  It was www.car-title-loans-in-edinburg.info that really helped me.  I applied for my title loan right online, spoke to a local title loan lender, and got my $20,000 in loan cash that very day. 

That’s what I call real-life results – you got a problem, here’s the solution right away, at your convenience.  The Democrats and GOP can learn a thing or two from these title loan guys.

Segnala presso:

My brother got his leg broken by a gang of drunken priests.  I’m not sure they knew what they were doing, because when we tried to stop them, they invoked the power of Jesus and said that Mary Magdalene wasn’t going to corrupt their sons of the world anymore. Sounded like a bunch of pent-up sexual energy to me.

I’m not going to talk about the experience because it’s really kind of traumatic for my family, not to mention the fact that my brother is just a mess.  Every time we pass a church he cries and screams while punching his leg.  Scary.

But I am going to tell you that we would not have been able to pay the hospital and all the medical bills, were it not for www.car-title-loans-in-eagle-pass.info .  One of the nurses told us about it at the hospital and the whole process just took a matter of an hour – my dad filled out the title loan application right online, he got a call from a local title loan lender a few minutes later, and within the hour, we picked up the $7,000 title loan cash, and paid off the hospital that very day.

We even had enough money left over to send some strippers over to those priests!

Segnala presso:

My DJ friend and I wanted to do something big to show the community that we were socially conscious, politically involved, and up-to-date with current events.  It would be a way for us to gain some recognition amongst the right people, namely the Republicans in our town.

We decided to throw a Republican porn party.  We invited all the local porn stars, but for some reason, we couldn’t get a lot of speakers from the local GOP community.  They said they would only do it behind closed doors, but we wanted the whole community to know that we were behind it. 

So, we decided to leave the “porn party” as a surprise for when they got there.  Now we have a whole list of the most influential Republicans in all of Texas.  The only problem is we don’t have any cash to really fund this party.

One of the republican speakers told us about www.car-title-loans-in-duncanville.info and we checked it out right away.  It was a car title loan website!  We applied for our title loan right online and within minutes, were speaking to a local title loan lender.  30 minutes later, we picked up our title loan cash and the porn party is tonight!

I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they get here tonight!

Segnala presso:

I’ve got to give myself some credit.  I learned how to ski this past weekend.  I went to a resort in Colorado with a friend and he taught me how to ski.

I tried to learn before but I couldn’t ever bring myself to get on that lift, go to the top of the mountain and come down.  It’s hard when you have snow phobia.  All that white snow, whether it’s made out of real or fake snow, just scares the living hell out of me.

All in all, we had a good weekend.  I went down the mountain unassisted 28 times!  Once I had my fear under control, I was fine.

I did, however, ruin the weekend by not tying down all of our equipment before we drove off and on one of those mountain turns, our stuff flew into the abyss.  Needless to say, my friend was furious as it was most of his stuff that had flown off the car.  I needed to pay him back when we got back home, but I really didn’t have the money.  As you probably know, ski equipment is mighty expensive.

Well, my friend told me about www.car-title-loans-in-desoto.info and I applied for my title loan right away and spoke to a title loan lender in just minutes.  I got my $9,800 title loan in just 30 minutes that same day!

Segnala presso:

Last year, My Little Pony was hit by a freight train.  Not the doll that girls and some boys play with, but a real pony.  I really had one and it was rather little for a pony, so I named it My Little Pony.

I was really upset just after it happened and cried and cried my eyes out, but that didn’t bring my little pony back to life.  She was gone.  Prancing around with other little ponies in pony heaven, I hope.

I wanted to erect a memorial for her.  I wasn’t going to settle for some cheap, plastic thing either.  It had to be nice – you know, the real deal – so I gathered my savings and I counted them, but they weren’t even half of what I was going to need to build the 20 ft high solid marble pony in my front yard.  So I started looking at some loans.

I don’t have the greatest credit, so everything I found online was way out of my league – I wasn’t qualified for them and if I was, I had to go through a lengthy process with way too much paperwork.  Then I found www.car-title-loans-in-del-rio.info and after I filled out the title loan application online, I was qualified to receive $9,900 in loan cash!  Well, I picked up my loan cash that day and am well on my way to erecting a memorial for My Little Pony.

Segnala presso:

I’m suing Mike Jackson for trying to molest my chimpanzee!

Last month my chimp, Chimp, got an invitation to a soiree by the King of Pop, Mike Jackson himself.  The invitation indicated that this soiree would consist of high-profile guests, private time spent with Mr. Jackson and free goodies!  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until later that we found out what the “free goodies” really were.

In any case, I took Chimp to the party and was going to wait in the car for three hours until the party was over to bring Chimp back home.  Chimp came running out just 10 minutes later, hollering like a mad man!  The entire place was empty and Mr. Jackson was completely naked when he came out to meet Chimp!

My lawyer says I can’t reveal any more details of the incident, but I am going to say that if it wasn’t for www.car-title-loans-in-deer-park.info I wouldn’t even have a lawyer right now.

I had no money to sue the bastard, so I logged onto www.car-title-loans-in-deer-park.info and applied for a car title loan.  The whole process just took 30 minutes!  I filled out my title loan application online, spoke to a local title loan lender and picked up my $8,900 right away.  Mike Jackson, here I come!

Segnala presso:

My parents have been on vacation for the past two months and they’re nowhere to be found!

That hasn’t stopped me from eating all the food in the house.  I start with the dessert first, of course, and then end it with a nice can of cheese whiz.  It’s actually kinda nice with them not around.  There’s no one to tell me when to go to sleep, no one to tell me where to pee or to not lick the dog’s bowl.  I have everything I always wanted in my life – I feel like I’m really coming close to accomplishing my dreams of pure, unadulterated freedom. Took me 42 years, but I’ve actually almost done it.

The only thing that would make this scenario even better is $6,450.  Before my parents left, they bought me a car and paid it all off for me.  They also left me a note that read: www.car-title-loan-in-blue-diamond.info .  At first I wasn’t sure what it meant, but just an hour ago I logged onto the site, applied for my title loan online and spoke with a title loan lender right away.  I’m going to go pick up my title loan cash in about 30 minutes. 

Pure unadulterated freedom, here I come!

Segnala presso:

It was about 10:00 AM and I had just finished my tenth drink. 

It was a Tuesday.  I took the day off from work.  Everything was going my way.  I found 20 bucks when I went to pick up the mail and got myself a subscription to Maxim with it.  Things couldn’t have been any better.

Around mid-day a friend called and said there was going to be a poker party later that evening.  Well, I went and won myself the first two rounds.  Then the third, fourth and fifth rounds came around and I’m not sure what happened next, but what I do know is that I woke up the next morning in my car, in my friend’s driveway, buck naked.

I drove home, threw some clothes on and drove to the bank.  My rent was due that day and I needed to get the cash out, but when I got to the bank, there was nothing in my accounts.  Both my checking and savings accounts were empty.  I went from $20,000 to zilch in one blurry night.

Anyway, I needed some cash fast so I called my friend to ask him what the heck happened.  Through his laughter, all I could make out was: www.car-title-loans-in-coppell.info .  Well, that car title loan service website saved my life, because I applied for the title loan right online and the whole process of getting it just took me 30 minutes!

With the $5,000 in title loan cash, I paid my rent, blew up my friend’s car and got my $20,000 back from him all in the same day!

Segnala presso: