I am an athlete. In fact, I am a superior athlete. I have unique abilities that only a small percentile of people in the world possess. I am a ribbon dancer. People have said that watching me on stage is the most beautiful thing they have ever seen. The way I make the ribbons flow through the air is an art and athletic talent. My athletic ability definitely comes into play because I can hop really high in the air which creates a great effect on my performance. People say I look like I glide through the air. I like to use the pink and purple color combination. My outfit is all silver. It shines in the light and people think it’s amazing. I’ve won 10 competitions and I am now ranked as the number 1 ribbon dancer in the nation. I hope I get an endorsement. Do you think NIKE will sponsor me? I’d love to have a shiny dri-fit suit!

If Nike does not sponsor me I’m going to have to find a way to make money to support my ribbon dancing. I need new ribbons for every performance and I don’t have the cash. My friend recommended I get a car title loan from http://www.diamond-bar-car-title-loans.info . They give people with bad credit cash fast.

Back to talking about my ribbon dancing career, I have been invited to perform all across the country. Ribbon dancing is just taking off! I have to start working out a lot to get ready for my shows. My calves need some work so I can jump higher and make people gasp at how high I fly. Hehe nice rhyme. I’m going to do some calf raises at the gym later. In the meantime, I need to think of some new choreography. I’m thinking about dancing to some African tribal music. That would be cool.

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I like breakfast burritos. I make my own. I get a nice fluffy tortilla and stuff it with fantastic food! I put some peppers, sausage, eggs, potatoes, onions,  tomatoes, and other ingredients that depend on my mood. I use HOT peppers. By hot, I mean the hottest ones I can find. I stuff it with the Bhut Jolokia chilli pepper from India. It is the hottest pepper in the world. A few weeks ago, I was making my burrito and thought I’d add some extra peppers. BAD IDEA. I started puking everywhere! I was pretty disappointed in myself. I thought I could handle it, but I guess not. The pepper was so damn hot that I was sick for a couple weeks! I probably just put too many in the burrito. My friend called me a baby for not being able to handle the pepper so I challenged him to eat one. The chilli peppers were no longer being put up for sale in my town so we needed to go to India.

We didn’t have any money for our trip so I decided to take out a car title loan at http://www.peoria-car-title-loans.info . I highly recommend these guy for all cash needs. They serve car title loans to people with bad credit. They even have an easy online application.

We went to India and found where they grew the peppers. The Indian people were so nice! We bought 2 pounds of peppers for a 2 dollars! What a deal! My buddy claimed he could eat all 2 pounds. We went back to the hotel and he started chomping away. Within a few minutes, he started getting really sick. I won the bet! Then, I had to rush him to an Indian hospital. That was a nightmare. My poor friend had to sit in the waiting room for hours. They laughed when I told them how many peppers he ate. Suddenly, this bet didn’t seem like such a great idea. Finally, my friend was taken care of and the peppers were removed from his system. He was all better. When we left the hospital, he got hit by a car. Could anything go more wrong!?! What a crappy day! Back to the hospital we went…

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My friend Tommy is a the man. He can pick up any girl he wants. Sometimes I get really jealous of Tommy. He’s got sweet moves and his hair is perfect. He slicks it back with some nice smelling hair gel. He wears clothes from the Armani Exchange store and he has some icy bling. He has a really nice Movada watch. It’s real silver! Wow! Tommy and I hit the bars last weekend trying to score some chicks. When we got to the club, Tommy spotted out a few very hot girls. He walked up and within minutes, he had two girls all over him. He winked at me and left me with the rest. I felt really uncomfortable! I had no game!

Since I had nothing to say, I started talking about this place I know in Joliet Illinois that serves car title loans. They get you cash really fast at http://www.joliettitleloans.com . They even do loans for people with bad credit. I highly recommended this place for all car title loan needs.

The girls were impressed by my knowledge about this place. I think they probably thought I owned the place and was rich because they started ordering all sorts of drinks on my tab! This one girl asked me for “Sex on the Beach”. I told her why would she want to do that? It was like 20 degrees outside! The water was probably frozen. Well, she walked away. I guess I lost my chance. After an hour, the only girl left sitting next to me was Buck-tooth Mary. She had some huge beaver teeth! I didn’t want any of that! I left. Tommy stayed and didn’t come home until the next morning. I suck.

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I went to the gym the other day with my friend Charlie. I’m a pretty skinny guy. 6 feet 3 1/2 inches and I only weigh 145 pounds. My family calls me “Bean” short for bean pole.  Charlie convinced me to get a membership at our local Bally’s and I was ready to get all jacked up! I drank a mountain dew and hit the weights. Charlie went off to do some abs and I wanted to bench press. I see all the big guys doing it. I put on the same amount as the guy next to me. I was pretty short and looked pretty strong, but I had to impress the ladies working on the calf machine. I was about to bench 300! Almost three times my weight…I was all hyped up. A guy came up to me and asked if I needed a “spot”. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I said no thanks. I was pretty scared to lift this weight, I wish he had offered to help make sure I can do it. Oh well.

Just before I unracked the bar, I started thinking about this company that serves car title loans and helps you get cash fast at http://www.greensville-car-title-loans.info . They serve people with bad credit and even have a fast online loan application. Getting money has never been easier with Greensville Virginia Car Title Loans.

Anyways, thinking about getting fast cash got me excited so I was ready to lift. I tried to unrack the bar, but I couldn’t even lift it. I lowered the weight a little bit so I could get it off the rack. The ladies were watching. My arms looked pretty cut in my beater. I lifted the weight and started lowering it down the my chest. I then realized, I wouldn’t be able to lift the weight up. This was a bad situation. I tried to yell for help, but the bar was crushing my lungs. I thought I was going to die. I passed out. Next thing I know, I’m in the hospital. When I wake up, I was so excited to see that the girls at the gym took me to the hospital. One of them leaned over to kiss me on the cheek and asked if I was okay, and I decided to go for it. I went in for the French kiss. All of a sudden, I felt a slap across the face. It was my mom! OMG! She screamed and the doctor ran in. Doc said I was hallucinating and must of thought my mom was someone else. Yuck! That ruined my day.

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My aunt smells funny. She has some weird body odor that seems to stink up any room she enters. My family decided to have people over for dinner. We invited all of our extended family. It seemed like a million people were over because my mom’s sister has like 18 kids. She gets around. Anyways, my stinky Aunt Gina was there. However, our house was prepared for her stench. My mom bought about 30 of those things that plug into electrical outlets and eliminate odor. It didn’t work. The whole house smelled terrible. People started leaving before the meal was even served because they said they were getting nauseous. My mom got pissed because she cooked so much food and people were leaving early. She decided that she would politely ask Aunt Gina to leave. By politely, she obviously meant in the cruelest way possible. “Gina get the hell out of here you stinky beast! Go take a shower!”

Oh by the way! Uncle Jim was telling me how he got a great loan with bad credit and he got the cash really fast at http://www.newport-news-car-title-loans.info . They serve car title loans and have an easy online loan application on their website. He highly recommends Newport News Virginia Car Title Loans.

Anyways, Aunt Gina left and the party began. People must have heard she left because everyone started returning to the party. We sprayed some febreeze everywhere and the smell left pretty quickly. Once the vodka came out, the party got kind of rowdy. My mom’s sister must have thought she was back in the club because she was up on the table dancing like she was trying to impress some guys– even though it was all family. That was kind of weird. Uncle Mike seemed to like it…Aunt Susan wasn’t too happy about that. She slapped him in the face and choked him with a napkin. The party ended when the cops showed up. What a family!

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I went to the zoo the other day with hopes of seeing some cool animals! I took my whole family. It was really fun. Well, for the most part. There were a lot of fat people eating funnel cakes. It was pretty gross. After riding the ferris wheel, my kids wanted to check out the alligator exhibit. Holy Moly! The gators were fricken huge man! I saw one that must have been 50 feet long! Eh..probably more like 15, but it seemed like 50! My kids started crying because they were so scared of the huge monsters and feared that they would hurt them. I knew the gators are highly trained zoo animals and like the company of humans. I wanted to show my kids there was nothing to be scared of.

Oh before I forget! If you are looking to get some fast cash, try a car title loan in Taylorsville Utah. Get started at http://www.taylorsville-ut-car-title-loans.info They will get you the money you need. Also, they don’t do a credit check, so don’t worry!

Anyways, back to the gators. I decided I would enter the gator lagoon and prove to my kids that the big reptiles were not that scary. Bad mistake. The gator bit my arm off. My kids were screaming. My wife was swearing. And in a minute, I was also getting tasered by the zoo police. What a great day. I ended the day in the hopsital slipping in out of a coma. They said I was in shock. Aren’t they funny? In shock…yeah I get it, I was tasered. Well, my arm is all sewed up, I have a nub now. My wife doesn’t like it, but I think it looks pretty cool. I tell people that I wrestled an alligator and killed it to save my family from disaster. I’m a tough guy. You don’t have to tell me twice.

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