A seagull pecked my friend’s eye out!

I went to the Wheeler Lake beach last week with my friend Benny.  We were having a good old time.  We were throwing around a Frisbee and before we knew it, we had started a food fight.  Well I don’t have the best aim - right when our food fight was winding down, I chucked a piece of raspberry pie at Benny and most of it landed right in his eye.

Then, the most ridiculous thing happened.  A crazy, hungry seagull came down and pecked him in his eye – pretty much destroying his entire eyeball.

I felt so bad that after the surgeries, I wanted to make him (and myself) feel better.  I wanted to make it up to him somehow, but didn’t have any cash saved up.  So, I went on www.car-title-loans-in-decatur.info and grabbed a fast loan.  The whole process took me an hour because I finished my auto title loan application online in just 10 seconds and after speaking with a title loan lender, picked up my cash in 30 minutes!

With the money, I bought him a new Frisbee with gold inlay and a pair of fancy eye patches.  If you need money, check these guys out.

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It’s been ten days since I’ve seen my parents!

They just didn’t come home from work one day last week.  I really don’t understand what could be the trouble.  They did always tell me, “Honey, if we don’t come home from work one day don’t worry and DON’T call the cops.  Okay sweety?”

I haven’t called the cops but what if they were parent-napped?  What if they were eaten alive by wolves or something?  It just makes no sense at all.

I’m really tired of waiting for them.  They have always been a little strange about this whole leaving thing.  I can’t expect them to explain it all to me but I wish I had some more answers.

Better yet, I wish I had some money!  The day before they disappeared my dad sent me a text message that read www.car-title-loans-in-cullman.info .  I wasn’t sure what to make of it but yesterday I finally went to the site.  It was an auto title loan service!

I filled out the auto title loan online in just minutes and picked up in just 30 minutes.  I got $5,000 from my auto title loan – that’s enough to last me another few months.  So long, mom and dad!

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I like to make things people can use.  I was recently drinking some kool aide and I thought to myself, “I could make something like this!”

I immediately got to work in the lab.  First I tried to start with a latex paint base and strain the color out of it using a number of different substances.  After some hours of relentless mixing.  I found that latex paint was not going to yield a consumable liquid.

So I tried water.  I of course had to distill the water first and I prepared my gas bunsin burner to do so.  I had the burner lit and I was ready to heat the water when I bumped the burner and it felt and pointed towards the nozzle of a propane tank.  I dove behind a metal cabinet I had and the tank exploded.  Close call but my mini lab was ruined.

I needed to make this kool aide quick so I hopped onto www.car-title-loans-in-tillmans-corner.info  and applied for my online title loan fast.  I got a call from the title loan lender within minutes and picked up my $6,000 in auto title loan cash in just 39 minutes.

I got my lab all fixed up and ready to go – kool aide, here I come!

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My chickens were murdered last week.

I’ve got a lot of land and had myself a lot of chickens.  Mostly my chickens just hung around and laid me a bunch of eggs that I used to sell for a little money.  It wasn’t a very lucrative business but what little money I did make, I would use to buy more chickens and chicken food.

They didn’t cause any trouble so imagine my surprise/rage when I got home last week and they were all dead.  Some crazy chicken-sucker chupa cabra type thing came and killed all my chicks – drained all their blood, too!

That meant war and ever since then I’ve stocked up on heavy artillery.  I’m going to hunt whatever killed my little chicks and show it whose chicks it messed with.

Well, yesterday I sure did find the little bastard and right now he’s in the henhouse.  I’m not going to tell you what happened, but I do have to say that in order to buy myself a new farm of chicks, I needed some cash.  If it wasn’t for www.car-title-loans-in-Anniston.info , I wouldn’t have been able to get my $5,000 in car title loan cash.  It took me just a few hours to fill out the title loan application and get my loan cash!

Got me some nice chicks and something for them to play with in the henhouse!

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I haven’t slept in weeks!

My nurse even said I look like crap.  I just can’t function as a doctor like this.  The other day I removed the wrong leg off of a guy.  I’ll be in court for sure for that one.

It’s just so hard to sleep when you have little livers and spleens dancing in your dreams.  Laughing at you from behind bars and shouting: “You were the last in you class doc!”  It’s like a personal attack!  In my dreams!  Why do I have to deal with this?

Everyone in real life seems to like me, minus that guy with the leg, or without the leg I should say.  Really it’s without both legs because we did still have to take the other one off, just want to clarify that.

Life seemed like it was against me and I needed to take a vacation, travel and explore the great city of Madison, AL.  The only thing is I just dumped all my money into my new practice and haven’t had a huge turn around yet.  So I had to find some other source of cash.  I needed a quick loan.

My nurse told me about www.car-title-loans-in-madison.info  and I filled out my auto title loan application in just minutes.  I picked up my auto title loan cash in just 30 minutes!

Despite her begs and pleas, I made my nurse cancel all my appointments for the next few months and am well on my way to my vacation!

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Have you ever tried staying up for 5 days?  Well, I have and I don’t recommend it.  It is extremely unhealthy.  In fact, when I stayed up for 5 days I almost jumped off a building.

There’s no way to describe what I felt like in just one word.  But if I had to choose one word it would be ‘tired’.

I can’t remember everything about that stretch of 5 days.  I can however remember eating plastic bags, getting into the washing machine because I wanted to clean the clothes I was wearing, boarding up all my windows and then realizing I was in someone else’s house.

Well I had to pay some fines and serve a few months of community service for my rash decisions.  I don’t have money or good credit enough to have paid my fines by myself.  But the court people told me about www.car-title-loans-in-scottsboro.info  and I went to that site right away.

I got the fast cash I needed after filling out the auto title loan application online and talking to the title loan lender in just minutes!  I picked up my cash in just 30 minutes and got all my fines paid off.

I even had enough money to buy some more of those tasty black bags!

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My cousin smashed my nose with a easy-bake oven and I got a face lift!

I got my cousin an easy-bake oven for her birthday, thinking she would love it.  The only thing was that the one I bought was used and if she didn’t like this gift because of that, then I was really in for it.  My cousin has a really bad temper.

Well, we had our party fun at their place and then it was time for gifts.  She snatched my gift from me in a rush and when she opened it, she just didn’t know what it was and my mom had forgotten to clean the dust off.  So she picked it up and smashed me in the face with it!  It broke my nose and knocked out my two front teeth.  My mom decided we would need some cosmetic surgery for me.

My cousin told her about www.car-title-loans-in-enterprise.info   and she went onto the site right away.  She filled out her auto title loan application and was speaking to a title loan lender in just minutes!  In just 30 minutes, she picked up her title loan cash and here I am now, two month later, with a brand new nose, new cheeks and a little collagen in my lips.

I even had some money left over to get a face lift, liposuction, and some makeup tattooed on my face!

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My friends painted a 13 foot penis on the side of my house!   I was going to get them back!

I wanted to paint my house this summer and a couple of my friends offered to get together and do it on weekends.  I really needed the help but I didn’t want my friends to do it because they’re all alcoholic bastards.  Every time they offer to do something, they always go above and beyond in doing it – and not in a good way.

Well, one weekend, I was going away with my wife because her mother had died and my friends said they would paint my house for me.  When I was driving back home two days later, I saw a 13 foot penis painted on the side of my house with the words “Blows For Hoes – Come One, Come All”.

I ran them all over with my car and ran inside to find a way to get some fast cash.  I found www.car-title-loans-in-northport.info and luckily, my car wasn’t hurt, so I filled out the title loan application online and was speaking to a title loan lender in just minutes.  About 30 minutes later, I picked up my $6,000 in title loan cash and drove straight to the hardware store for my paint.

I even had enough money to buy myself a few bricks and break all of my friends’ windshields!  Sweet revenge.

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My wheelchairs pinned my customers!

I started building things when I was a kid.  I always loved to see how things worked and the process of building something from start to finish was always very rewarding.  The best thing was that I learned how to use my teeth in place of the tools so I never had to buy any equipment.

Just last month I got into the business of building motorized wheelchairs.  I had everything up and running and then I got a call from one of my customers: “My chair hyper-drove me to Robert Trent Jones Golf Courses and pinned me to the ground”.  Then I got a call from two other customers with the same thing.  Then a few more and pretty soon, every customer that bought my chair was at the Robert Trent Jones Golf Courses, pinned to the ground with it.  There was something at those golf courses attracting my chairs!

It looked like I was going to need a lawyer and didn’t have any money to hire one.  One of my customers told me about www.car-title-loans-in-prattville.info  and I filled out my title loan application right online.  I spoke to a title loan lender in just a few minutes and picked up my $8,000 in loan cash right away!

Now I have a lawyer and a partnership with the golf courses!  All thanks to my auto title loan!

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My sump pump stopped pumping sump!

I hadn’t seen rain like this in months!  I was so excited! Earlier today I was doing the usual rain dance around the house.  I was skipping and hopping and I decided to take my little rain dance extravaganza to the basement for a bit.  Just to even things out, you know?

We have a finished basement with one section that’s walled off and unfinished.  The usual utility sink and sump pump type deal.  Well, half way down the stairs I noticed a foot of water on the floor.  Turned out the sump pump stopped pumping sump.  All that rain dancing really put me in the hole.  I needed a few thousand dollars to fix up my ruined space.

I called my dad and asked him to lend me some money, but he had spent all of his cash on his new internet girlfriend from Australia.  He did, however, tell me about www.car-title-loans-in-fairhope.info .  Even though I have bad credit, I was able to get an auto title loan for $7,000!  The whole auto title loan process took about an hour and I was back to my rain dancing in no time.

Now my sump pump pumps sump just like its supposed to!

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